The Subtley of Fear


Last night I attended a Business Workshop for coaches (health, executive, life…not sports) through the International Coaching Federation-NE (ICF) and had an epiphany, which is what happens when you talk to an effective coach; stuff comes out.

Even though everything has fallen into place with my new career path, as if I planned it all perfectly, and I am so confident in my coaching abilities and the direction I am going, I am still affected by an undercurrent of fear and self-sabotage. I know I get doubts and anxieties just like anybody else, and I fight to keep them in check in order to maintain a healthy and realistic perspective. But I hadn’t been aware of the subtleties of some fears and how they manifest so differently, so quietly.

Back story: I was raised by fear…of punishment, bad people, an enemy, a lawsuit, someone misjudging me….the list goes on and on. I notice it now in my extended family, but I have worked really hard to fight that inner voice of fear by being aware of it. This fear utlimately prevented me from going to vet school, studying abroad, and/or going to college far away. Not that I think I should/would have done these things, life happens the way it was meant to. (not doing them was part of the inspiration for me to be aware of it and start changing)

As I got older and more independent, I became more aware of how fear stopped me from taking risks and really just enjoying life. The fear fed anger, it fed depression, it fed negativity.  I was too serious, too concerned about a need for protection from an unknown. I became in awe of those who took risks in spite of the naysayers and the doubters. I wished I could be one of them. Then I decided I would not let fear stop me from living life and I started stepping outside my comfort zone….started questioning the basis for these fears.

What I found is that they were baseless….someone else’s negative opinion, misguided fear, or criticism had been stuck in my head.  I vowed to change that dialogue.

So last night, I am talking about my upcoming certification and my marketing strategy with a table mate, the wonderful and insightful Sibel Babacan of Lexington and she asks me…

“Why don’t you start reaching out to those places now? Why wait? “

My response was “because I want to wait until I can say I am certified and not just in the process of getting certified”.

Then she says something like “Why can’t you talk to them before you finish your certification?”

I say “The certification gives me validity.”

She says “Sounds like fear. It sounds like you are sabotaging yourself and your thoughts into thinking you are not good enough unless you have that certificate and you could be missing some really good opportunities to grow your business.”

(this dialogue is not exact but I hope you get the gist)

She was right…I knew it immediately in my heart, mind, and my gut…this was fear, not the “careful planning” as I had labeled it. It was so subtle, I hadn’t noticed it. But a well-trained and experienced career coach had.

The reason this was so powerful, although it may not seem like it, is that this is not the first time I have heard this. It’s like I need this document to prove to doubters that I am good enough. Again, I am allowing someone else’s beliefs or negativity to infiltrate my own reality.

I began to think about the fear and anger that so many people hold onto and how doubts and negative inner dialogues skew reality and leave them susceptible to manipulation. They get so caught up in their stories and their own dramas that they don’t see how others can use these insecurities to gain power, position, and control under the guise of protection. I wish for one moment, I could take away their fear and negative thought patterns so they can experience what peace of mind and compassion truly feels like.

The sad part is that no one can make us feel LESS fear, anger, or anxiety until we examine where the root of these feeling and thoughts are ACTUALLY coming from.  We need to ask ourselves “What is the storyline in our heads?”, “Where does it come from?”, “Why do I think this way?”, “What has been my experience?” , “Could I be reacting to something else in my life that feels out of control?”, “What other choices can I make?”

For me…

I choose NOT to live in fear. I choose to work through fears, prejudices, and anxieties and understand the real root of my thoughts and emotions so they don’t control me.

I choose NOT to fear people of different cultures, religions, or even death.

I choose to try to live a life of love, compassion, and empathy…and this includes for myself.

I choose to be curious.

I choose to surround myself with positive people who raise me up and are looking out for my best interest.

So…I will start working on implementing my business plan and starting my career even if that piece of paper hasn’t been presented to me…YET! I know I am going to get it…I will make sure of it.

I am a good coach and I will change people’s lives…starting now.


Homemade Luxurious & Effective Face Routine


I am eternally on the hunt for organic skin care products that have minimal ingredients and don’t irritate my skin. I have dry, sensitive skin and I break out easily.  So my lifelong hunt for face products is fueled by vanity and the desire to have that clear beautiful skin that so often eludes me.

I have been doing pretty good with my routine of Dr Hauschka Soothing Milk Cleanser, Simple Micellar Water, and Pai Geranium and Thistle Rebalancing Day Cream. All of which I still love….especially the Micellar Water in the summer.

However, nothing is perfect. I still break out and as I am getting older, the clogged pores are getting deeper and I am getting milia; little white bumps that are keratin-filled cysts, or simply little globs of protein under the skin. Harmless enough but I don’t like things on my face. So now I am trying to find ways to minimize these new imperfections. Yes, I should just embrace them but I cannot.

A friend, who has the most beautiful skin, told me she uses a homemade mixture of Avocado and Castor Oil and the follows with Carrot Seed Oil with Frankincense and Myrrh. Water based cleansing products don’t work as well because water and oil don’t mix, they cannot “dig out” the oil in small little pores. They would just stay on the top because the oil will repel it. Oil attracts oil, so an oil can remove the oil from your pores. However, if my face gets oily, I break out. It’s like a catch 22. Or at least I thought.

I must say I was intrigued and desperate so I tried it. I mixed 2 parts Castor to 1 part Avocado and mixed in an empty glass herb jar. I rubbed a little on my face (dry or wet) and then removed with a warm/hot face cloth. The mixture is luxurious feeling. I actually enjoy using it. Follow up with moisturizer if needed…I need it.

Moisturizer tip: add 1-2 drops of Frankincense and 1-2 drops of Myrrh to about 1 ounce of your moisturizer. The Frankincense is one of the best anti-inflammatories for skin (and other conditions) and Myrrh is a natural antiseptic antimicrobial. You can also the oils to Carrot Seed Oil and use as your moisturizer or add 1-2 drops of this new mixture into your favorite moisturizer as you need it. This is what I am doing right now. (1 squirt of Pai with 1-2 drops of Carrot Seed Oil compound).

NOTE: The Carrot Seed Oil also seems to be absorbed much better than Olive Oil or Vata Oil..2 other  oils I have also tried using on my face and still do at times.

The result….my face was soft and my imperfections started to clear up. I had this one area that just kept filling up like a cyst and I would try to leave it alone but it would fill up again. This new routine stopped the madness.

I cannot say this would work for everyone but if you are struggling like I do, it might be worth a shot. Use brands you are comfortable with.

I also don’t know which of these is having the most effect but I really don’t care. Its working!

I also tend to change my routine based on the seasons and my skin’s needs. We’ll see if this new routine will need to be changed or if it’s good for all year round.

Cleanser Recipe

  • 1 parts Avocado Oil
  • 2 parts Caster Oil


Moisturizer Recipe

  • 1 oz bottle of Carrot Seed Oil
  • 1-2 drops of Frankincense
  • 1-2 drops of Myrrh

Doing the right thing can be hard

We have all heard that doing the right thing can be hard or that the best things in life worth doing are the hardest. This sounds so empowering until you have to actually do it.untitled-3519

Recently, I had to do something in my professional life that was took a toll on my emotions. It was actually heart-breaking, but it was the right thing for all parties involved. Even though you know something is the right thing to do, that doesn’t mean it won’t hurt. Even though you know all parties will be better off in the long run, that doesn’t make it easier. Avoiding the situation would be unethical and/or just not fair.

This isn’t the first time I had to do something hard but it doesn’t make it easier for me.  You know, life is about winning, losing, falling, getting back up, growing, and learning. I have experienced enough to know that even the bad things can become good things because they force us to grow, reflect, change, and offer us a chance to live a life of purpose.

We wouldn’t appreciate the good things, if we didn’t experience some hard times. It sounds so cliche but it is just so true. Struggle is a chance for us to look inward and re-evaluate what we think, feel, and how we behave. What would I have done differently? How can I prevent this in the future, or can I? What is this experience teaching me?  How can I grow? What was my part in this? How will I reflect on this moment in 5 or 10 years?

So, I chose to honor my experience as that…an experience that I have been granted that will help me grow and help me be more resourceful, more mindful, more empathetic, maybe even more grounded in my professional and personal lives.

To all those who don’t take the easy way out.