Revisting your past

Growing up an air force brat, I have lived in many different places…Pittsburg, California, Florida, Oklahoma, California, Kansas, and Missouri. Then as a teen and an adult, I have added to the list Massachusetts, Rhode Island, Colorado, and North Carolina. It’s no wonder I have this urge to move and travel so much.

For me, staying in one place feels boring, stuck, unnatural. Certainly it is not, but it can feel that way for me. I struggle between the urge to move and the desire to give my children a family home to come back to.

What is interesting when you have lived in another place, is going back. Nothing is the same and yet the feeling of coming home is like finding a piece of your soul that was missing. It is really hard to put into words.

A few years ago, I went back to Missouri. My friends are grown-up, have families, and we are all so different. I have lost touch with almost everyone. Yet, as soon as I land, there is this feeling of coming home or comfort or finding a piece of myself that was missing. It’s really hard to put into words what it felt like to go back but I felt like I was made whole again. Even the little town that I lived in, which is currently delapidated and stuck in the same physical state it was 30 years ago, is still a part of me and holds a piece of my heart. I feel a connection even if I truly have no real claim to it.

Then last month, my husband and I took the kids to Colorado, where he and I lived before we were married. There was that same sense of calm and comfort as we drove into town.  Memories come flooding back and the people seemed so familiar.  It was awesome to visit memorable spots and nourish part of my spirit that were in need of this place. I relaxed and didn’t want to leave. I still long to go back.


Today I have pictures from these visits. They can’t do my return justice, but they remind me of how I felt to be back.  They will always be a part of me and who I am.  Missouri and Colorado were the two places I felt the most drawn to, had the most and best memories. Even the tough memories take on a nostalgic tone. Maybe thats why the emotions were so strong. I experienced a lot of living and growing in these 2 places.

If you have ever lived elsewhere, you should try to go back. You can’t relive your past but it still makes up who you are. It helped to define who you are. There might be a healing that takes place or just a finding/revisiting of a little piece of yourself. A piece or a healing you didn’t know you needed or wanted.

I think we leave a little bit of ourselves every where we go.

Sometimes its nice to go back and revisit it.



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