My father in law used to say…

“The bullets a man fires with his mouth cannot taken back.”

Words, positive and negative, can affect someone forever. They embed in that back of people’s psyche and don’t let go. We can never know how much harm will be done when we speak carelessly or negatively. Just read social media or watch TV and we can see that some people speak to intentionally harm others or are overly critical and judgmental. This negativity is infectious and the perpetrator is harming himself just as much, if not more, than he is harming others. He is creating a shitstorm of negative energy and what goes around, comes around.

When our mind is aggressively negative, angry, spiteful, mean, or fearful, our brain is in a type of fight or flight state…we are essentially emotionally unbalanced. In this state, we cannot think clearly or strategically, there is no creativity, you will struffle to learn, to grow, or to adapt.

How does this work? When your brain is in emotionally charged or in an agitated state, it is incapable of remembering or recalling and storing information. This involves the prefrontal cortex, the amygdala, and the hippocampus.


Courtesy of Mindfulschools.org

The prefrontal cortex is responsible for emotional balance and regulation, intuition, and intention to pay attention.

The amygdala is responsible for the fight, flight, or freeze reactions, where emotions activate these emotional responses and naming your thoughts and feelings through awareness can actually deactivate the fight, flight, or freeze impulses.

The hippocampus is the area of the brain responsible for memory. When stressed, the ability to recall and store information is inhibited.

In a nutshell, we are not at our optimal mental ability when we are anxious, stressed, angry, or emotionally charged.

Instead of lashing out, it would actually be more productive to figure out what’s really going on inside. What are we really angry with? What are we afraid of? What insecurities is this bringing to the forefront? What are the names of the emotions we are feeling? What underlying needs are not being met?

When children are surrounded by these heightened states of negativity they are not able to function at their best and learning declines or is impossible. (hint, hint: support mindfulness in schools)

Adults need to be careful about the words they use, especially around and to children. This is where mindfulness can really be helpful because “Mindfulness is awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgementally,” says Kabat-Zinn.

Through practice, when we are aware of feelings, we can deactivate the amygdala and allow the brain to calm down and function at its best.  But this takes practice.

So why be positive?

Because when we allow the negative to take over, we are not being our best self. We are not mentally functioning at our optimum.

It’s time to raise our awareness, kindness, and mental acuity and lower the negativity and hate.

Think about how much it would help our children, our education system, and society at large.

Happiness does not come from focusing on what’s wrong but what’s right and building from that.

Let’s spread positivity, not hate.

untitled shoot-2653-Edit-2




Beauty is not a weight

“After Losing 100 LBS Precious is Actually Gorgeous!”

This is a headline in today’s yahoo feed. Some media outlet actually wrote an article about actress Gabourney Sidibe’s weight loss and somehow thinks it has anything to do with her looks. She has always been beautiful and talented. She has a tremendous smile and gorgeous eyes. Shame on you for not seeing it. Stop focusing on weight as a sign of beauty. One has nothing to do with the other.


This is a subject that has been on my mind lately….the linking of beauty and weight, and this article just set me off. These two things are completely separate and one has no bearing on the other. One is a subjective opinion and one is about health.

A person’s beauty is multi-dimensional. Beauty comes from eyes, a smile, a laugh, a good sense of humor, an openness to others, a kindness of heart. Beautiful people come in all shapes and sizes. You want to be with them. They are the light in a room. They are not the size of their jeans.

They say beauty comes from within and the more people I meet, the truer those words stand. I have met women that are sexy, attractive and adored by all, who are not some perfect weight that society seems to create. Beautiful women can be ANY size and we have to stop letting the media define beauty (especially because everyone is photoshopped).

And, by the way, women need to stop attacking each other. Skinny women get harassed for their weight as much as overweight women do. I have a friend who struggles to gain weight and I can’t count how many insensitive, hurtful, and mean things people say to her because of her thin frame.  They think it’s okay to say things because she is thin but the comments make her feel bad. Her whole family is skinny. She is just made this way. She is also kind, loving, and would give you the shirt off your back. Her heart is one of the biggest I know but some people only see her weight. It’s terrible that our society judges people based on looks. Whether someone is “skinny” or “overweight”…it’s really not okay to judge or make rude comments.

Beauty is not a number on a scale.

What can be attributed to a number on a scale is health. However, each person has their personal range that is considered healthy for them. Doctors may use BMI as a tool but really each person has their own range. Each body is different with different muscle masses, different metabolisms, different frames, and different ages. Your healthy weight is between you and your healthcare practitioner.  Not anyone else.  Weight is also not the end-all-be-all for health. It is just a component of health. A weight that is healthy for me, might be too high for one person and too low for another.

Don’t let the media convince you that you have to be a size 2 to be beautiful or that women who are a size 12 are not beautiful. It has nothing to do with it.

Just be your damn sexy, incredible self!


Revisting your past

Growing up an air force brat, I have lived in many different places…Pittsburg, California, Florida, Oklahoma, California, Kansas, and Missouri. Then as a teen and an adult, I have added to the list Massachusetts, Rhode Island, Colorado, and North Carolina. It’s no wonder I have this urge to move and travel so much.

For me, staying in one place feels boring, stuck, unnatural. Certainly it is not, but it can feel that way for me. I struggle between the urge to move and the desire to give my children a family home to come back to.

What is interesting when you have lived in another place, is going back. Nothing is the same and yet the feeling of coming home is like finding a piece of your soul that was missing. It is really hard to put into words.

A few years ago, I went back to Missouri. My friends are grown-up, have families, and we are all so different. I have lost touch with almost everyone. Yet, as soon as I land, there is this feeling of coming home or comfort or finding a piece of myself that was missing. It’s really hard to put into words what it felt like to go back but I felt like I was made whole again. Even the little town that I lived in, which is currently delapidated and stuck in the same physical state it was 30 years ago, is still a part of me and holds a piece of my heart. I feel a connection even if I truly have no real claim to it.

Then last month, my husband and I took the kids to Colorado, where he and I lived before we were married. There was that same sense of calm and comfort as we drove into town.  Memories come flooding back and the people seemed so familiar.  It was awesome to visit memorable spots and nourish part of my spirit that were in need of this place. I relaxed and didn’t want to leave. I still long to go back.


Today I have pictures from these visits. They can’t do my return justice, but they remind me of how I felt to be back.  They will always be a part of me and who I am.  Missouri and Colorado were the two places I felt the most drawn to, had the most and best memories. Even the tough memories take on a nostalgic tone. Maybe thats why the emotions were so strong. I experienced a lot of living and growing in these 2 places.

If you have ever lived elsewhere, you should try to go back. You can’t relive your past but it still makes up who you are. It helped to define who you are. There might be a healing that takes place or just a finding/revisiting of a little piece of yourself. A piece or a healing you didn’t know you needed or wanted.

I think we leave a little bit of ourselves every where we go.

Sometimes its nice to go back and revisit it.