The Emerging Me

There are many people, like myself, who believe we change every 7 years. (click here for more detailed information on this) The point is that who we are at any one point in our lives is not who we will be forever. We are constantly evolving and hopefully for the better. It is not healthy for us to remain static. Who we are at 17 is not the person we are meant to be at 30 or 40. However, there are some people that do not like change and cling for dear life to their old and comfortable ways. These people may feel frustrated, fearful, anxious, unhappy, stuck in a rut (because they are), or may become emotionally stunted. We need change to grow. We must step outside our comfort zone in order to learn and evolve along this journey we call life.

These changes can be emotional, physical, appearance, career, relationships, location, etc. I personally have had a series of careers that have created a beautiful journey to where I am now. Physically my body, hair, face, and skin are different and continue to change as I age, requiring me to change how I care for myself, season by season.

JeffKim copyOne of the things that has been on the forefront of my mind lately is how I am changing internally and how that feels and looks externally (fashion-wise). I am not very fashion conscious, preferring to be comfortable over fashionable, but I still want to wear clothes that are flattering (as much as I can and still be comfortable).  In the past, I tended to dress pretty conservatively. I have mostly plain sold shirts and simple bottoms. However, this part of me is changing too. I still love the classic Ann Taylor tailored look but I am also drawn to some aspects of the free flowing bohemian look, the sporty look, a sexier style, and/or a more casual whatever goes look. I want to rock my flirty, feminine side and my tough, sensible or rock ‘n roll sides.  I want to feel carefree while at the same time the responsible, hardworking, dependable me.  We all have these different sides to us and I think it’s important to honor them, in whatever way we are comfortable.

Because my body is changing with age and hormones, I have to find new brands and styles that fit this new body and this “new” me that is also emerging. In the process, I guess I am also re-defining my style. As I re-enter the workforce, I find myself being drawn automatically back to the more classic business casual look but wanting to add some flare and personality. I have even starting purchasing patterns….ooooooh! I find myself mixing different styles and wondering if I look silly or if am presenting as a confused style bomb. I do believe clothes can be an outward expression of what’s going on internally. Since I am in the middle of a lot of change…confused…well, yes I am.

So it may not seem weird to people who dont know me that I show up in designer pants, a cheap Old Navy shirt or consignment shop designer shirt, mala prayer beads, diamond earrings, strapped with a FitBit, and orthotic sandals. To them, this is Kim. To me, and maybe those that have known me awhile, this the confused evolving new Kim who is still figuring it all out. I also may or may not do my hair and wear make-up all the time, as this all depends on my mood too.  But this is who I am. I am mood-driven and ever changing. I am somewhat fashionably conservative, spiritual, nature-based, lazy, sporty, with falling arches and growing bunions, who cares and does not care all at the same time.

I remember Iris Apfel, the 93 year old fashion icon, recently saying something about taking fashion risks and allowing your creativity to be your guide. In her mind, there are no rules….”more is more” and she is the queen of more. Do what you like. Own your style. After this, I started thinking about my fear of taking fashion risks, which was really just an attempt to avoid being judged.

So now, when I get dressed in the morning I try to dress according to what moves me and not what others may think. This is hard for me, to rid myself of self-judgement. At 45, I am trying to say to myself…”let them judge” and “if they are going to judge me, who cares what they think”.

Recently, I took a major step in that direction when I got my nose pierced. I LOVE IT! I don’t regret one minute of it. I am so proud of myself for not allowing fear of judgement to stop me from doing this. Every time I look at it, I am reminded that this new Kim is in the house!

I am going to emerge the woman I am becoming, free from judgement and free from doubt; confusion and all.

I am a freaking 45 year old woman….hear me freaking roar!


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